my 100K deviations poem entry

I was sipping a Chrismas latte in a small outdoor cafe
When someone with a DA shirt came walking up my way,
I didn't know what to say at first, the guy looked kinda fried
He ordered half a cheesecake and some tequila on the side.

I glanced his way, tried not to stare, tonguetied I could not speak,
He reeked of pot and rancid Spam, hadn't showered in a week,
I walked up, introduced myself by saying, "w00t first post!"
He planted his jackboot firmly in the place it hurts the most.

I peeled myself up off the floor, in a squeaky voice I said,
"No, wait a minute buddy..." but all he saw was red.
He pushed me down a flight of stairs, yelling "Your DD sux!!"
I held out my wallet pleading, "Look pal, I got twenty bucks..."

But he beat me to a bloody pulp and kicked aside my money,
"I read your flame about my skin, it wasn't the least bit funny!"
I blacked shortly after, he called me a trendwhore hack;
The doctors left six stitches from the spork wound in my back.